I Feel You
by cornonlecob
Summary: "Who, Jesus? I don't know, some new hotshot everyone's worshipping I guess." You pause, gently running your fingers across the scars. "I hear he had a pretty shit life." It's a whisper and you don't know how your voice even got that quiet but fuck it, this is feeling like a Moment. The forest has gone silent and it's just your fingers in soft black fur. You've read about this.
1. Prologue

"Now, remind me what we're searching for?"

"But you already know, why should I waste this precious air just to tell you what you already know? I wouldn't! Do you want all the plants in the garden to die just because you wanted to hear what you knew already? The forests are dying fast enough, thanks."

You hear your fathers deep sigh from a few yards away, he's probably massaging his temples again in that way that makes you feel extra bad. You just sink lower into the tall grass. Even though it's itchy and always gets down your shirt and stains your pants, it's good for hiding. Really, the only thing tall grass is useful for.

"Wolfsbane isn't even in tall grass Pâ, come on out and I can show you how to split the stems properly."

He's trying to entice you, that insufferable lump of crusty pumpkin bread. You would never give into that so easily, so you nestle further into the grass to prove your point.

"Why don't you go find some on your own then! You don't need _me_ to go pick flowers!" You shouted, let's see dear old dad try and work around that one!

" _Karkat_."

You shoot up from the grasses, tripping over your dried weeds as you practically sprint towards him. Stupid adults calling people by their stupid True Names. Every single one of them is a mashed carrot, and your dad is the mashed-iest carrot of them all. It's a really hard list to top but your dad is just that amazing. People won't shut up about how amazing he is anyways so obviously he'd be the most mashed-iest carrot.

He'd probably win against an _actual_ mashed carrot. He's just that cool.

Not that you'd ever say anything to him about it 'cause he'd probably get all misty eyed and weak boned an have a heart attack or something. Ms. Grandma was always yelling at dad about that kind of stuff.

Speaking of dad, he looks completely wiped already. His eyes are sunken in and his hair is turning grey at an alarmingly fast pace. He tells you not to worry about his hair because you have a big enough rats nest for three people combined.

You want to think he's proud of that.

"Are you ready to _behave_?" He asks, putting his hands on his hips and leaning forward so far you almost wanted to hold out your arms to catch him.

You just nod, looking at the ground and kicking your toe into the dirt to get some ants to scurry a different way. They're more interesting than your dad's disappointment face.

You follow him in silence the rest of the way to the bottom of the valley. There's some giant mountains nearby that you have to climb to get your Title, but you're too young for that. It's only been seven blooms and you have to be at least twenty to climb it.

Your dad is rambling to you about flowers and you're pretty sure he knows you're not listening. He bends down, showing off his bright red pants under his tattered burned cloak. You keep telling him to let Ms. Grandma fix it but he always just waves you off.

"-always wear gloves when working with wolfsbane, it's incredibly potent and could-"

You tune out again, looking over your shoulder to the shadowed woods not too far away. Something shifts behind one of the trees and you have to fight the urge to scream at your dad about it. Like he would even listen anyways.

So, like the genius you so clearly are, you quietly sneak off while he prattles on about plants and the Spirits or whatever. You know plenty already, and one little peak couldn't hurt.

As you got to the edge of the woods you carefully peaked your head in, squinting through the gloom for that shape you saw earlier. Slowly, you push yourself further into the forest, scanning everything at least twice before taking even a small step forward.

You may or may not be completely scared out of your mind. The shadows splayed across the trees keep warping and shifting, the sounds of innocent leaves now come to you as footsteps getting closer, and closer, and closer...

" _ **AAAAAAAAAAH**_!" You scream, a heavy mass slamming into your side and sending you sprawling across the dirt. Mud squelches under you and a branch is digging in painfully to your thigh. Above you is the drawn back muzzle of a snarling wolf.

Well, okay, it was more of a puppy but it was still almost as big as you are. Plus, it's teeth are stained at the roots with dark red... You can't even think the word in your head.

The wolf sniffs at you curiously, pressing their small black nose into every nook and cranny you had. They seem to almost wilt after getting a good read on your scent. With your mightiest glare you get ready to shove off the dog and give it a what-for, but it's already scampering away. You wonder why for approximately 2.5 seconds when a loud shaking howl pierces the silence of the afternoon. As you stumble your way back to your dad, you officially decided that the whole interaction was weird and vow to bring it up at dinner time. Someone in your massive family must have some kind of answer.

Before you can get any farther though you come across a large stocky body, tattered cloak spread out in a fan around them. Their face hurried in light purple Flowers.

"...Dad?"


	2. Exposition

"Pâro, please pass me the pestle."

You hand it over, the smooth wood of the tool feels cold against your hands. She lifts it from your hands and sets to work immediately. Ambedo begins to grind the dark berries in a slow circular motion. One you've become all too familiar with. Subtle lift, turn the wrist to the left, bring it down and grind to the right. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

The treatment barely works, your dad is still bound to his bed, muscles twitching every so often. They flutter under his skin, pulsing and writhing, dark veins stained with poison.

Ironically the way to cure wolfsbane poison is to drink the even more poisonous deadly nightshade. Because that makes all kinds of sense. You overheard one of the settlers talking about something similar. They kept saying that you have to fight fire with fire. It was a stupid sentiment. Everyone knows that fire doesn't cease because someone fanned the flames, the settlers had to be utter morons to believe in that sort of thing. As if some stupid anecdote from some moronic people stumbling about the land could offer any kind of depth to your father's condition. Those people with half formed relationships, strings that go no where. They couldn't possibly comprehend how the sun travels in the day, let alone how poison works in your father, slowly killing him each day he dares to breathe.

...

You don't really want to be thinking about this anymore. Apparently all this negativity is bad for your soul.

Your name is Pâro, a name you selected eight years ago when you turned six. The meaning has yet to reveal itself to you, but it's a better name then the one your parents gave you. The woman currently making sure one of those parents doesn't die is Ambedo or Ms. Grandma as you used to call her. She's an old woman, hunched at the spine and with hair as thin as a spiders web. Somehow she's still the tallest person in the valley. She's got two daughters and one of them is a close friend of yours, her name is Adronitis. How a woman of her age was able to have two young daughters is beyond you, but the spirits work in mysterious ways.

Adronitis already knows what her name means and she told you that a beautiful girl dressed in gold whispered it into her ear one night. You're not jealous, not one bit. Yeah so the spirits found your friend more worthy of knowledge than you, who cares?

Apparently her strongest emotion is the desire to already be close to someone without having to break down mental walls. It makes sense, but of course it does because the spirits picked it out for her.

You look up from where your hands had been twisting together, a bad habit you haven't broken yet. One you doubt will ever be broken, really. Ambedo sighs, her body deflating with the force of the breath expelled.

"How is he?" You ask, hating how croaky it comes out. Your voice is always scratchy, you personally blame Kenopsia. That little worm is always provoking you over every little fucking thing. It's not your fault you have to scream at the guy to make him hear sense.

Ambedo shuffles over to the old wooden chair next to the bed. It groans under her weight and she sighs again. "About how he's been doing I'm afraid. His heart isn't steadying, would you be willing to come back tonight to help again, dear? I could use a sturdy pair of hands."

"Of course, yeah I'll be back." You couldn't refuse her if you wanted to. Not with her soft old lady voice.

The smile she sends your way is cracked and slow, it's so gentle and warm you can't help but look away in embarrassment. It's not like you even do anything to really help, she doesn't need to smile at you like that.

"Go have fun, don't get too close to the settlers, some of the kids have gotten a little too curious."

"I know, I have some sense of self preservation." You snort, standing up from the floor, dusting off your loose pants. You're quick to hoist your satchel up and onto your shoulder, the weight is comforting and familiar. It's filled with stolen books and rushed papers that get stuffed inside without having time to let the ink dry. It's a mess, but it's your mess as much as you wish it were cleaner.

At your comment, Ambedo gives you a wary look, but her smile remains so you just wave and duck out of the tent. It's a warm summer day outside, the trees rustling with the light wind from the south. You set off down the carefully weeded dirt path that winds around the hillside where Ambedo insists the healing tent stay.

In the distance you can hear the shrieks of children shouting, it's promising you a headache and you haven't even gotten down there yet. Why you signed up for child watch you'll never know.

Low and behold, at the base of the hill in the clearing is a exciting game of tag. The kids are screaming to each other and running all over the place. It's anarchy.

Adronitis is standing by the edge of the clearing, steering those that stray too close to the thicker woods away. You try not to seem desperate when you jog up to her side.

"Oh! Hello there Pâro, how are things?" She asks evenly, her bright skirts fluttering in the wind. Her short dark hair frames her graceful features, curling at just the right places and jutting out everywhere else.

You're well aware she's beautiful, but her words always bring more comfort to you than her looks. The bond between the two of you is strong, not as strong as the myths claim a bond can be, but in your opinion it's still pretty damn strong. "Same shit as always, your mom wants me back up there tonight."

Her eyebrows crease and for a moment she looks more worried than pitying. It's probably the only expression that doesn't look good on her.

Before she can start using her aunt voice on you, telling you how much she 'worries' and how terrible things are for you, one of the smaller kids dashes past the two of you and into the woods. It's Mituna, again.

"I got it!" You shout, taking off into the dark forest.

The world around you drops into darkness as the foliage above you thickens almost immediately. Your eyes start to adjust, slowly recalling all the dark shapes and snarls ready to claw at your clothes as you rush past. It isn't too long until you're panting, jumping over a log and stumbling over your own landing so hard you fall into another tree.

The impact rattles your brain, making the already dark area freckle with dark spots that flash in and out of view.

"Mituna!" You call out, propping yourself up against the very same tree that you just slammed into. Your forehead is stinging like a bitch and a deep swirl of panic is over taking your otherwise stable senses. "Mituna!" You cry again, one hand cupped around your mouth.

Of all the problems you've had recently. Missing parental figure for seven years due to your own foolishness? Check. Having to take care of a younger sibling who likes to start fights? Check. Stress from nearby settlers who are beginning to expand their 'territory'? Check. Loosing a kid in the more dangerous area of the woods even though it's your only job to watch the kids? Big fat check there. But hey at least he hasn't shown u-

 _{hey there karkat!}_

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.

"As much as I'd love your guidance oh...great and nobel...spirit." You ground out, shoving yourself to your feet and hating the small wobble that forces you to lean against the tree again. "Right now isn't exactly the best time. And stop fucking calling me Karkat!"

{ _woah there karkat! what crawled up your shorts?}_

His form is materializing in the branches of the tree, ribbons of bright blue slowly weaving themselves into Breath's grinning visage. You scowl at him and he just grins harder.

"These aren't shorts, they're pants. What the fuck are you doing here anyways? Can't you see that I'm a little bit busy? Go bother someone else for a change." You hiss, pushing away from the tree and stalking further into the woods.

He follows up right behind you, even when something comes in his way the ribbons that make him up shift and ripple like water around the obstacle. It's one of the few things you will grudgingly admit is cool about the annoyance that's attached to you like a wart.

 _{pants shorts whatever. im your guardian spirit! im supposed to help you with stuff like this! plus i can see some veeeeeeeery cool shit in your future!}_

"Shut the fuck up, you don't see the future, Light does. And there's no way someone like her would be hanging around you long enough to help with one of your pity projects." You say, snarling at the end as you rather violently push through the vegetation.

 _{nah were best buds! have some faith in me will you?}_

You grumble under your breath something about how faith is all you have, but it's lost even to your ears. Frankly though you'd rather not argue with him. You've got a child to go save, and at this rate you'll just end up shouting into the sunset. Something you don't think Adronitis would be too happy about.

The thin yellow tether of family is the only thing leading you towards Mituna. Breath is babbling on about something, you don't bother tuning in, instead following the cluster of yellow that's weaving between trees and under bushes.

Finally you push out into a moderate clearing, houses made of stacked logs taking over the area. And there's Mituna, nestled in the grass with some other little child. His pelts and bracelets are a dead give away against her brown long skirts.  
Scanning the area quickly for extra settlers you dart towards the two kids, pressing your side into the closest house to keep yourself hidden. You drop down into a knee in the grass beside them, both kids giving you wide eyed stares.  
"Come on, Mituna!" You hiss, opening up your arms wide.

"No, I wanna stay and play with Libby! We were thinking up good witch names for her!" Mituna protested, crossing his arms and pouting.

"I like Latula!" Libby added cheerfully as a child could be.

A vibrant red string is pulled along through the air in between the two children, the tips meeting and merging until you couldn't tell the difference between one or the other. God damn it they bonded.

"Listen, you and...Latula can always meet up somewhere else, but we cannot stay here or else Latula's family is going to get very cross!" You continue, grabbing his smaller hand in your own and tugging lightly at it.

He frowns down his arm, looking back to Latula/Libby, and then up at you again. He repeats this for a good minute or two but eventually nods and shuffles towards you.

You scoop him up and practically sprint out of there, one hand holding onto the back of his head to protect it as you fly past reaching brambles. Your clothes are ripped and dirty when you finally stumble out of the woods, Mituna unscathed and all the children still playing tag. You don't want to imagine what the settlers would do if they found two young witches all alone. You don't know which would be worse, death or conversion.

You set him down and not even a second later he's off to join the others. A cool hand settles on your shoulder and you don't hesitate before leaning into Adronitis's side. She lets you of course, playing lightly with the hair at the nape of your neck as you sigh.

"He was hanging around a settler kid." You start, beating her to her own question. "They bonded." You add as an afterthought.

She gasps softly, a sound that's all air and so quiet it practically disappears amidst the chaos in the field. Her hand is pressed primly to her lips, fingers splayed across her cheeks as she tries to suppress a grin. "You'll have to tell Scabulous about this one, I'm sure she'll be positively thrilled at the new relationship fodder."

"What relationship? They're kids!" You're tempted to throw your arms in the air but they remain pressed into your armpits.

"They're bonded." Adronitis points out, a small smarmy smile spread across her smooth pointed face.

You pass time with her, talking about basically nothing and watching after the kids. No one tries to escape again and Breath stays in your peripherals for the rest of the day before blowing away in a flurry of bluebells.

It's not long before the fireflies are dancing between the leaves and you have to hike all the way back up to Ambedo's tent. Kankri wanted to come with you, but you don't want him to ever see your dad like this. He pointed out the unfairness of it all and you can't help but be reminded how much better your dad is at everything.

Deep down where you'll never look you wish he would just die already.

The night passes slower than the day, watching your fathers chest rise and fall in short stutters. Wheezing and coughing and looking so so tired.

Ambedo puts a hand on your shoulder before ushering you out of her tent. She smiles at you again and you hate that it makes you feel better.

You practically collapse into your bed, the few straws of sunlight already pushing above the few hills in the distance. You've barely let out a relaxed sigh when the emergency bell is being rung so loudly you fall out of bed.

Someone is jerking the rope connected to the bell so hard you could swear you heard the metal ring twice immediately one after the other. Something you thought impossible for a bell. You hurry out of your house, Kankri soon to join you, his smaller hand curling around yours and squeezing. Like you're the one who was more scared in this situation.  
You don't dwell on it too long, instead pulling your brother along to the village center. The sight that greets you makes you wish you had left Kankri behind.

Liberosis is leaned against the bell pole, rope clenched weakly between pale fingers. Bright red stains his clothes, two long wave like gashes sputtering up blood from his face. His breathing is haggard and you can hear receding footfalls as Adronitis goes to find her mother.

Kenopsia comes out of nowhere next, supporting his younger brother as they both stumble towards their father.  
As much as you hate the guy, your slack jawed expression and furrowed eyebrows only say pity.

"It was the wolves, the wolves are back." Kenopsia mumbles, face speckled with red so dark it almost looks black or purple under the light of the moon.

The village stills, your own heart stuttering for half a second as it registers.  
The wolves are back.

Names Cheat Sheet:

Pâro: Karkat  
Ambedo: The Dolorosa  
Kenopsia: Eridan  
Andronitis: Kanaya  
Libby: Latula  
Scabulous: Nepeta  
Liberosis: The Orphaner Dualscar


End file.
